I never held it against Larson for teaching me the lesson of the trees. The rings held information about the growth of the tree we both sat in day after day, or for most of our childhood, if that's what you want to call it.We were both merely human then. I hope my cigarette doesn't bother you asshole, you invited me here anyway.
No, carry on.
I just saw you flinch, you don't like the cigarette smoke.
Listen, I don't care, I'm a writer, I'm here because I have to eat. You understand strange little man. And obviously you overlooked that I myself smoke, look here's my pack of cigarettes, right here in my top pocket.
Yes, I borrowed this from you jack ass writer.
Huh?
Witless, brainless, and you don't even listen to the surgeon general. Boo hoo you're going to die an ugly death, I'm so sorry.
Like the smoke in your face or directly in your lungs? And how old are you?
Get away from me freak, and sit back down, and lets get this over with. So, you fucking stole a cigarette from me when I wasn't looking, aren't you quite the demon. Now, where were you, in a tree with some rings.
Tap, tap, tap, the pencil hit the notebook.
Could you stop that sound. HSSSssss, pheeewwwww, that's nice.
How about I leave and you smoke your, my cigarette, and we talk another time, when you're not so, so, what, you're weird.
Yes, that's right, your the observer and I'm the animal in the cage. Tell me all about me.
Listen, I could care less, you're an electric bill for the month, and your insipid "I'm the phantom of the opera" show isn't all that interesting. I'm putting my notebook, my noisy pen, and my cigarettes, back in the case, and I'm leaving.
Okay, so long, nice to meet you, writer, with intelligent, witty repertoire for me to play with.
Yeah, little guy, I'm here for you to play with.
What didn't you know?
Sure, sure, I knew, now you just get your cute tuxedo out of here, go back and watch some cartoons or whatever you do. And look little man, here, here are few cigarettes I am spilling out on your table for you to smoke. Though it might stunt your growth.
What will I light it with?
Here, here's a lighter, the color purple, do you like it? I'll put it right here. Wait a minute how did you light that?
Light what?
The cigarette you're smoking, you have a lighter or matches somewhere, don't blow it at me thank you.
I'm just happy, it's a happy day when I have company. It makes me want to blow smoke all around me, and then suddenly in your face...wooooosh.
Okay, that's it, I'm gone. Now where's the door?
How did you get in here nincompoop? Go that way. Your intelligence is what a six and that's when you were six before the traumatic brain injury.
What the fuck? How did you know about that?
Why I know everything about you, Kenny, the son of a carpenter, and his mother addicted to blood Mary's, after she squirts out another brother for you to loathe and hate madly.
I'm going to put my fist in your face short and freaky if you say another word. I don't know where you get your information, but...
I sit outside your house and listen. For twenty four years, I've listened and waited.
And you're a crazy, what are you anyway, a doll, with a microphone. I'm going to listen to you, what is inside you. Just stay still I'm putting my ear up to your...
I wouldn't do that...
Ouch, shit, that fucking hurt. It burned me.
That's so sad, just like the rest of your life, or should I say lifeless existence.
Holy shit, my skin came off my, it's in my hand, look, look, you fucking little devil what did you do to me.
Nothing, really.
What does that mean?
I suppose for your subsistence brain to understand, I would correlate it with your flesh touching a hot, temperature, beyond that of merely burning flesh, which is noticeably aromatic: it stinks, a little like death, and bit like Burger King, wouldn't you say.
I've got my fucking ear in my hand, and my face is slipping off.
Thump.
He passed out. Poor fellow, what shall we do next?
How about a bucket of chicken, oh no, a barrel of fun. Splash!
Oh, my god, what are you doing.
There's the steam now, what a slow reaction, kind of like your intelligence, writer, ass licking, moron, you're freaking burning up with fever, I must help you, or at least mock you to death.
Oh, god, it hurts.
Yes, you most certainly look like it hurts. But don't worry Mommy's back home procreating with Daddy who can't get a job except to inseminate your mother regularly, and take a few dollars from the government funded center for a better human being. You flunk.
Though the blue tinge is beginning to colorize your every cell so that I may get to work, I thought I would just tell you a story before you are incapable of understanding, which will be in just a few minutes.
You're a real doozy, writer fellow. Moaning in pain, afraid. Yes, you are, you are shaking.
What did you expect when you were but a mere lad running around with your brothers, in your yard of grass and trees, that there was something missing?
Animals, aren't just in books fuckwad. Here I'll poke you in the spine with this needle, let me get this right as I wouldn't want to hurt you...
AHHHHHHHHH!
That must have hurt. Lay still, that pain will go away before the other one starts.
What are you doing to me?
Using you to test out some of my many inventions. And since our interview was short and quite obvious, I say, we get rid of that out of shape body, from about Right here at the end of your ribs. I don't need the whole carcass to run this experiment. It's easier to have you in pieces. As I'm small and can't drag, big buff guys like you around.
Why are you looking at me like that. And what, are you crying? Excellent, I happen to have an ointment for dripping eyes. Here, a couple of drops here and there.
Feel better.
Ya.
Was that a "yes?"
Yes.
Good. Now in about five minutes that ointment will have eaten all the nerve endings out of your eyes, and voila' no more pain.
Quit screaming it isn't as bad as it sounds. This is exactly why I don't work with infants.
I cant see, whimper.
Of course not, I just killed your eyes, I told you I was doing it, were you not listening? I would listen from now on and the fear will go away.
Now, we or I, being specific, will be making this even more easy on you as i will need you here for several days, and no more of that screaming, it is loud and unnecessary.
You fucking thing from hell.
No, stupid ass farm boy, you're just not what the world was looking for, so you went on the list. You're on the list, and I got you. I paid for you with the proceeds from another invention. Why i wonder if you could guess what that is?
I'm putting these sheets over you, I know you can't see and since my test dummy is a fraidy cat, now isn't that an archaic phrase, I have to keep your fear down to get this down correctly.
Now another shot, but again, don't worry it will kill all the pain this time.
No, please, if I said or did anything I should not have said, oh god, don't hurt me.
You fool, that is exactly why you are here. You have little redeeming qualities. Well, first you are farm raised, and your destiny has been quite set for a long time. Your mother had quintuplets and we assessed none would be adequate for service to intelligent life, and now your mummy and papa fuck for a living.
Each one of you squirts go for 25 years and then are sold to the highest bidder.
Happy birthday to you, did you have a nice party last night.
Yes, it was the best birthday I have had. I'm crying I can feel it.
No, it's just a solution I shot into your tear ducts that will eventually crystallize the normal tears so they don't get in the way.
You had a nice big cake for everyone, but then they brought you the birthday boy a special piece of cake.
Yes, it was strange, red colored. My aunt sent it. She sends money and cakes..
Ever met your aunt?
Here let's see if you remember her? "Oh, dear," um hum, "you have a joyous life as long as you can. You are the best of all the children. You will make something of yourself and live a long life. I am so proud of you."
What where is she?
Quit rolling around or I'll tie you up.
Aunt Rose, help me, there's a creature
And, where's the rest? Getting tired? I'm your aunt, is that what you figured out. I've been watching you all your life, waiting for you to come to me. So, glad you're here.
I'll be back, I must go check on a vile which I will be putting inside of you. And then, smart mouth, you will become a lot like me...fuck off.
Oh, I can do better things than that, you micro brain.
Come here, my expensive little pet, while we wait for our guest to metamorphasize a bit before we begin.
